Broadjam Artist: Laurence Watkins
Song: Pretty Girl On A Train
Reviewer: Earl Jenkins
Positive Comments: I like what you’re trying to do here. It has a definite “shape” to it, and the contrasting rhythms of the guitars in the middle instrumental section is nice. The song has a bit of a Nick Drake feel to it. And with repetitions help to reinforce the feel of being on a train.Thematically, I can sympathize. We’ve all seen that “pretty girl/guy” on a bus/train/whatever, and been attracted to them, and wondered more about them, for the duration of that enforced proximity of the situation (train ride, wait in a waiting room, etc.). Also, I realy like the cadence of the hook line, “Pretty girl on a train.”
Constructive Comments: While I can appreciate the construction of the repetition in this song, it doesn’t quite go anywhere. There’s no real chorus — while that’s not necessarily a bad thing, it does limit its market potential.Also, I found the lines following “pretty girl on a train” to be rather clunky and uninspired. The phrase itself is very nice (as I noted in my positive comments), but the words that followed seemed very much less so. Perhaps finding other ways to say what you’re trying to say, with a “smoother” cadence and better imagery, would work in the song’s favour.Also, while the vocal tone is appropriate for the wistful nature of the tune, I found them to be a little too thin and airy in the recording.