Broadjam Artist: Nigel Barrett
Song: Sorry
Reviewer: Peter Boynton
Positive Comments: -I like the groove-The story is relatable-It has a bit of a Howard Jones retro feel to it.
Constructive Comments: -Maybe get right to the 1st verse at @13 seconds in. The verse doesn’t start until @30 seconds now, and no one has the attention span anymore to wait that long.-Nice ABAB rhyme scheme set up in vs 1. Maybe make the lyric more conversational here and less poetic: ‘mass confusion’ and ‘darkness surrounds’ could be stated more simply. Changing one of the ending words ‘you’ in line 2 or 4 would keep the rhyme, but without repeating the same word. -pre-chorus1: Maybe find a better word than ‘unkind’. It completes the rhyme, but is an old-fashioned word and not conversational.-chorus1: line 3 – maybe change the ‘I think’ to a simple ‘and’. The last line is wordy – maybe just: ‘If you told me we’re through and you found another man.’-verse 2: it would be nice if you could get the form more consistent with verse 1. Go back to a 4-line simple ABAB pattern.-I don’t know who Ms Scheindlin is, and am immediately confused in the story. If you’re referring to the love interest in the earlier part of the song, maybe just go to ‘YOU are in town’. If it’s a NEW character, lose her! There would now be one too many people in the story.-‘digging UP dirt ABOUT’ might be a better way to phrase this thought…-‘in court…’ through to ‘…the other half of me’ is more of the same earlier confusion I mentioned. Are the ‘court’ and ‘jury’ metaphors or literal? I couldn’t tell…-Those are a lot of specific, actionable, thoughts for you, which I spent time on because I like the song! It just needs a lyric tightening/clarifying, and at 4:09 is way too long for radio play, a SYNC submission, an artist pitch etc. If it’s for your own singer-songwriter-artist track, all that is fine! If it’s not for your own use, lose the instrumental and get the song to 3:00 max, preferably 2:30.-Good luck with this!