Broadjam Artist: The Bitter Elegance
Song: (paper)airplanes
Reviewer: Jeff Roberts
Positive Comments: This is a very catchy and pleasing Pop tune a lot like something Shania Twain would do. Wonderful voice and singing performance. There’s so much that’s working really well here, and the voice, melody, and phrasing are just fantastic in a number of places. It’s straddling a number of areas: Country Pop Dreampop Acoustic Indie…and that’s good. What a nice tune and performance!!
Constructive Comments: I think you’ve got two competing hooks: is it about “feeling weightless” or “paper airplanes”? You set up ‘weightless’ very well, even though it’s a prechorus it feels really strong and the phrasing,changes,melody and vocal work there are superb. The way that you phrase ‘paper airplanes’ isn’t working like it should IMO because you sing air-PLANES, but the natural stress we all use is AIR-planes, so it’s a bit awkward and forced, especially with dip-down and come not all the way back up melody line on that word. I think the vocal is a bit too comfortable and sounding like you’re not working because it’s an overdub (on the verses). I’d like to hear you have to push it just a bit more and not be as close to the mic, so it sounds more like your playing live and pushing to sing above the band. You need a big tambourine part –this is so important for a tune like this. The drums are too artificial and 80’s gated snare IMO. An active 16th part on the high hat with a natural drum sound would be great. Get the acoustic guitar mic’d rather than the direct sound. Maybe add a compressed slightly overdriven Tele guitar part.